so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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