The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
