after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
