Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
