I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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