i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
