you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
