i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
