I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
