There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize