Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
