Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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