You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
