It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
