So drunk its hurt
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You ruined the universe
Randomize