I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
