College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
