and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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