You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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