You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
