He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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