would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
