I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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