And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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