the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
