Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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