Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
