turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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