He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
bring money and cleavage
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize