I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
