I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize