My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
