Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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