i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
