i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize