I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
