I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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