Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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