He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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