i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
