She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
