I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
