I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
