last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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