okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she looked like the before picture.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
