I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
