you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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