A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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