My sheets look like a crime scene.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize