Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
