I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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