If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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