so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
