Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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