I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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