"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
