I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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