you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
