i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
