why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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