So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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