obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
