I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
