did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
