I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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