Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
