I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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