Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
