I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
