My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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