Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
