I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
