Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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