My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
