I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Pooping to opera.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
