i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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