I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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